Emotion Project 3

Emotioin Project is fiction.

   It was only 5 a.m. I didn't want to get up this early. I tried to stay in bed and sleep more, but I was wide awake already. I tried to think what to do today. Creating to-do list is always fun, whether it is all done or not. I thought about tourist attractions from what I saw when I arrived at the O'Hare Airport. Perhaps, I should go up to the John Hancock Observatory, since I have only 3 days left. Sue Miller was already out of my mind. Damn! I think Sue screwed me when she showed up in Tokyo 20 years ago. Perhaps, I might screw myself more if I really find her. Well, I think this way, because I want to find her, but I know that I will not be able to find her within 3 days.

   I get this early morning when I travel for a short time. I couldn't resist another early morning. I went out to South Michigan Avenue and walked along the street. The road was pretty empty. I crossed to the Grand Park. It was 7:30 a.m. After running, I came back to the hotel. It was 9 a.m.

  Okay. Let say Sue Miller is also gone, just like that Japanese lady, not really. Okay. Sue Miller is gone recently she became ill because she got too old. Is this realistic? Well, Sue died by car accident? How about that? Let's forget about Sue Miller. Damn it. I can't forget about her, perhaps what I remember is Sue Miller 20 years ago. I think parents who want to adopt a child should keep all the information about their child, especially when the child's family show up like Sue. She could have given so much information about my biological parents, but why didn't my parents get any information from Sue? Well, I guess I should blame on myself about this, since I was the one who was crying and yelling at all three of them not to mention anything about my biological parents. Even so, I blame them. They really should have got at least some names or address from Sue. Or Sue's address. Oh, well. Time to be a tourist.

 

  Chicago was beautiful. The lake always gave me fantastic wind. I love the sound of wind, I know it's air not wind, but without wind the air can't make any sound. So I always call it sound of wind. Chicago had such a beautiful sunset. All the building looked like Lego blocks. I was falling in love with this city, even though I seem to have no connection unless I find Sue Miller. Was I born here? Really? I don't feel connected to this city like that much, but more as a stranger or traveler. I might fall in love with Chicago as a foreigner. I am Haruna Sato. I can't be Julie Miller.

  The elevator seemed faster when it comes down than when it goes up. I wanted to get out of the building as soon as possible. I felt very hot inside of the elevator. The wind was breezing again, tickling my forehead. I went back to the hotel and called home back in Tokyo.

  "Haruna san! How are you? What time is it there? Did you meet Sue Miller? Did you eat dinner?"

  "Dad, I am fine. Please ask a question at a time."

  "You should come back to Tokyo if you can't find Sue Miller."

  "I know. And this trip is only 5 days anyway. I will come back soon, whether I find Sue or not. How is mom?"

  "Your mom is not feeling good. You know she has the allergic rhinitis. It gets worse now."

  "Spring causes that pollen problem to her, I guess."

  "Anyway, Haruna san! Take care. You should be careful, you know."

  "Yes, dad. I know. Don't worry. I am not a baby anymore."

  "You are always a baby!"

  "I love you, dad!"

  "I love you, too, sweetheart!"

  I couldn't mention anything about what I have done today, but I just stared at the kitch painting on the wall. It was total kitch now after Mark Rothko is too familiar to everyone, anything which looks like Mark Rothko became just 'kitch'. After thinking about this kitch painting, I became like an Astro Boy. I went out and ran again. I didn't go too far, but just around the Art Institute. I could feel more energy around that tomb where all the art is lying down on the wall. I couldn't stop running until 9 p.m. I came back to the hotel. I felt like a zombie. I felt nostalgic about Sue Miller. She screwed up many things now.

  Today is almost gone. I will go to a souvenir shop tomorrow to bring something back to Japan. A baseball cap for dad and a box of chocolate for mom. It should be fine. For myself? I know I should find Sue Miller for myself, but it wouldn't be a realistic souvenir. I might have to get a T-shirt which has an American flag on. Damn. I don't want to wear an American flag. Was I really born here? Sue Miller, where the hell are you? You must be dead, since you don't show up in front of me again just like 20 years ago.

  Yesterday was better. At least I had some expectation and excitement before I went to the hospital. Until the archivist told me that Japanese lady is gone. Perhaps, it's not about Sue Miller, but about that Japanese lady. She must have named me Haruna for my middle name, when Sue named me as Julie. What a funny name, Julie Miller. What happened to Mr. Miller then?

  I think too much. That's my problem. Stop thinking about Millers. I miss my parents now. Of course, my parents in Tokyo. I must have hurt my parents by coming all the way here to find Sue Miller, but my parents are always the sweetest ones in the world. I should stop thinking. I should go to sleep for tomorrow. Yes. the souvenir shopping.