Memory Project 5

Memory Project is Fiction.

     She kept talking and talking. I didn't pay attention to what she was saying. I pretended but I wasn't listening at all. Why does she need to talk things that she doesn't even think deeply enough in her mind first? She only babbles.
     "Mom, I understand everything. Let's go back home and take some rest before we get too tired."
     "Mielle, are you okay?"
     "Mom, everything is great."
     Everything is great, especially when you have nothing to lose, or when you have nothing to desire. Life was such an easy thing at least to me.
     She drove all the way home without saying much after letting out everything before she started the car. When we got back home, she went straight to the bath, while I was sitting in the couch and picking up some meaningless magazines with bunch of celebrities' stories and scandals.
     "Mielle, would you take a bath after me?"
     "No thanks, mom. I am going to bed now. G'night."

-End-

Memory Project 4

Memory Project is fiction.

     Yes, it's amazingly interesting! When I came to bed last night, I remembered the dreams I dreamed the day before. Isn't this quite crazy?

      Recently I have been dreaming about taking tests and I got scared at some stage. Then, I realized I should have gotten up not to take the exams, and I managed to get up. After all, I was relieved. Yet, the tests were not for me, but it was for the Mielle, which I was taking instead of her. 

      Of course, I couldn't say much about this to Sophie. She might get offended by me saying this. I decided not to talk about my mind to her since I don't know when. 

     We walked for an hour today, just talking about nice cherry blossoms, how this summer would be, and our vacation plans. At the end, we were about to get in a car again to drive back home, Sophie stopped and said,

      "Mielle, I am very sorry that I couldn't be a better mom than this."

      "What are you talking about?"

      "You know what I am talking about."

      "Stop it, you have kept saying that, it doesn't mean anything anymore."

      "I really mean it, sweetheart."

      "Just try to get your memory back. Focus on it."

      "I wanted, but now I kind of don't want it back."

      "Okay, let's talk about this inside of the car."

      "Oh, sure."

      She unlocked the car, but she couldn't start the car yet, but kept talking to me.

      

     

Memory Project 3

Memory Project is fiction.

     Everyone dreams. I mean we dream when we sleep, I am not talking about 'what I want to be in the future'. Sophie used to dream a lot especially about Mielle, yes, not me, but 'the Mielle'. She used to be such a crazy mother, sometimes even creepy because she would do anything she saw in her dream to me. For example, once she saw the Mielle was singing in her dream. After she woke up from the dream, she sent me to some singing lesson. You should have seen me how awful it was for me to be in this singing lesson, since I had no idea of harmony, melody or rhythm. 

     "Mielle, would you like to go for a walk?"

     "Well, sure. What about going to see some cherry blossom?"

     "Yes, that's why I want to go for a walk. Perhaps, we can see snowfall of flowers."

     "Okay, I will get ready in 10 minutes, if you can wait for me, mom."

     "No problem, sweetheart."

     Of course, I forgave Sophie even though she forced me to be in that singing lesson, it was only for a month, then she realized, well she woke up from her 'dream' which she knew it was all her wish. Nothing about me, but about the Mielle.

Memory Project 2

Memory Project is fiction.

  All Sophie appreciated was the fact that she remembered. She remembered that she put her book on the bed side table. Or was it just coincident? She believed that she had a serious problem about remembering what she had done a second ago. It must have been something about deleting memories in her brain, but it became quite serious sometimes.   

  She indeed tried to delete her memory very hard after she had a car accident. She lost her child in this car accident. She was on the way to see a musical at Seoul Art Center.  Mielle, it was the name for this lost child if she were born ever. After that, Sophie didn't try to talk about Mielle until they got me from the adoption center in Seoul. And awfully enough, they named me after Mielle. 

  I will never be Mielle, but I was Mielle. It was quite harsh for me to be called Mielle. I didn't care much about my name anyway. Jean Daniel is named after grandfather Daniel and great grand father Jean. This is more pathetic than Mielle. He can't make his name just one word because he might feel guilty about choosing either his father or his grandfather. Actually, who cares? Mielle was at least one word, so it was fine by me. I just have very different look from Mielle, though, but who cares?

  Sophie brought out her book to the living room. 

  "Look! I found my book right away. It was on the bed side table where I put last night. I remembered. Perhaps, I am not forgetting anything."

   Jean Daniel was not in the living room, but Sophie shouted loud enough for him to hear even from his library. Sophie was very proud of herself. I wasn't paying attention even though I was in the living room watching TV. 

   "Mielle, don't you have better things to do than staring at that stupid box?"

   "Mom, don't you have better things to do...."

   Sophie was already gone back to her bedroom.

   I couldn't pay attention, because I knew she was very happy about this little fact that she remembered what she had done last night, but I couldn't have any sympathy for this. It looks so vain. And what if her memory all comes back? Would she remember her baby Mielle? Would she throw me away after she get the memory back even though that baby Mielle is not here any more? The answer is no. She is just afraid of losing good memories she has since she deleted so many memories in her brain. She knew deleting memories in her brain can cause this kind of problems in the end when she wanted to delete her memories anyway. Now, she cannot complain like this. She cannot go back and say 'I want my memory back' because she is the one who deleted. No one asked her, but she did. Sophie is very emotional sometimes, so I have to be careful today. I don't want to get involved in her emotion today. I just can't stand it now. Perhaps, I can help her tomorrow, but not now.

Memory Project 1

Memory Project is fiction.

  "I know I have some problem, but I don't think this is very serious like the movie, we watched the other day. What was the title?"

  Jean Daniel didn't say anything. Sophie was waving her hands in front of his face. Jean Daniel stopped staring the window and looked at Sophie.

  "Did you say something?"

  "I asked 'what's the title of the movie we watched the other day?'"

  "Poetry? You mean the Korean movie we watched last week?"

  "Ah, yes. Poetry. I have same problem just like the main character, but not so serious. I tried to say that to you. I didn't mean I have the same that disease, yeah, Alzheimer's disease, but I have some problem with remembering because I tried to forget so much about something, and I finally did forget. After that, I try to recall anything about something related to the forgotten memory, yet it doesn't come up to me easily."

  "Isn't it a good thing? You might want to keep forgetting then, why would you recall it?"

  "Jean Daniel, if life was easy like that, would it be fun?"

  "So, you enjoy this hard life you have with your terrible memory then?"

  "Not exactly, but it's hard to explain now. Perhaps, I will think about better words to express next time. Let's move on and talk about something else."

  "Or we can talk about nothing."

  "That's true, too. I might just finish my book I was very close to the end last night, but I just fell asleep with 5 pages left."

  "Okay, go ahead. I will check my emails and get back soon."

  Sophie went into her bedroom tried to find the book she was reading last night. Fortunately it was on the bed side table. She smiled.